Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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