Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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