If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Farmville is her only friend.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
