thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
We had sex on a dog bed..
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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