Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
