don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
