just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
