WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
