yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
