I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
