omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
