I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
