wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
