Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
