i just wanna soil my oats bro
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Randomize
