Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
