My nipple is on Facebook.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
