Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Randomize