I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
