I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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