Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
