i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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