after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
This house was built for laser tag.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Randomize
