worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
it glows. i had to have it.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
