Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
