I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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