Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
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