Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
