i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
