he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize