Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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