you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
