god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
