but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
