I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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