just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
