Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Drunk is not a location!
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
