apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
