so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
