I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
