apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize