he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
