no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm getting married
To pizza
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
