also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
