On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
