I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize