I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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