Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
