I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
