I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
