Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
NoShamevember. You game?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize