did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
