so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
