The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
