I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
