He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
