I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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