this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
