he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Randomize
