ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
