I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
