If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
