Don't you send me to vm
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
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