tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
