My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
