and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
