He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
