I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Will you blow on my dice?
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
