Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
we're so committed to being not committed
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
