Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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