are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
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