peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
