the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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