I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
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