Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
i drank out of a bidet.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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