I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
