whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
