I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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