She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize