Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
