i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
