I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
