i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize