I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
