you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Just high enough for therapy.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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