is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
