I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
