I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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