My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
This toilet bowl is my home.
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