Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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