I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
