Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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