Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
